Can you believe it’s been three years already? How did that happen? I still feel like maybe we’re coming up to her 2nd birthday. Maybe.
To be honest, Evie’s birthday comes with a lot of emotional baggage. It was a scary scary time and there aren’t a whole lot of good memories with that day. Yes, we had a new daughter and I remember everyone congratulating us on her birth, but it didn’t feel like a day for congratulations. It was Mother’s Day and I felt like I was failing as her mother in so very many ways. I couldn’t protect her. I felt I didn’t even protect her while I carried her. I couldn’t feed her. I couldn’t even hold her. I couldn’t stop the pain and drugs and surgeries and heel pricks and IVs and everything else that happens in a NICU.
I was her mother and I was helpless.
Those feelings will probably always be there on her birthday. There will always be joy that we got to spend another year with her, but sadness as we relive her first few days, weeks, and months with us.
I am not going to try to get rid of those emotions, but I am going to try to focus on the happy. So I made this video of the happy moments. Just to preface this: This is one side of the story, the side that gets us through all those hard bits. And Evie is not always happy. I would say she has a fairly happy disposition, but girl can throw some tantrums. Her smile does light up a room, though. Good gracious, does it.
So get ready to smile!